Guilt Free Holiday

Photo Copyright Protected by ©M. St. Hilaire 2007

Hi. Yep, it's me again...I don't suppose I really need a greeting, as this honestly is, as in the title, just a place to empty my brain. I find I will get an idea, or an image or a song stuck in there somehow and it just rambles around and drives me crazy. I will not be here with any regularity, nor will I have a theme or tag markers so you can find it, or even have a reason, because really...I am not writing it for anyone's enjoyment. I am writing to get the idea out of my head and stuffed into my laptop where I can come back to it and re-read it later and think..."Huh, where the hell did THAT come from?"

So, what is stuck in my head today you, who aren't likely there, ask? Well...

Humans are strange creatures. We do the strangest things to ourselves for completely stupid reasons. Holidays, for example. I am sick of holidays that make people feel guilty. Yup, keep your greeting cards and your over commercialized ridiculous and incessant need to over spend on decorations and scented candles. They don't really hurt anyone, and even I will admit I like the smell of cinnamon in my house at Christmas, or the Hallowe'en window stickers and having the soft scent of vanilla and chocolate from the baskets at Easter. Even the pleasure I get when I buy a well chosen and nicely manufactured greeting card with it's stiff edges and crisp envelope. No, my problem is the holidays that make you feel guilty for stupid things. Things like eating a nice dinner that someone planned and cooked and put a lot of effort and care and energy into, and then you bitch about how good it is but too many calories and it "making you" overeat. Oh, for goodness sake!

YOU are an adult, and regardless of whether or not you idolize Oprah and Dr. Phil, YOU decided to pile your plate and then eat until you feel your skin splitting. You decided that you should never eat a normal meal portion because you might gain 0.8lbs and look fat in those ugly ass skinny jeans and Ugg boots that the supermodel with 0.002% body fat in the magazine sold you. YOU make yourself miserable allllll year long and then make others feel guilty for putting out the effort to feed you. And the BEST part is, half the time, they don't really like you, nor did they want to feed you...THEY felt they had to.

There is another guilt trip these kinds of holidays play. It isn't fair! Why should I feel guilty that I moved to another city that I don't have family in!? Seriously, why is this even in my head? I love my family, as most people do and I miss them when I miss them. Why do I feel GUILTY that I don't live closer to them during a holiday...so I can go to the dinner they didn't want to make but feel guilty if they don't and then watch people feel guilty about eating and then in turn have them make the cook feel guilty for having made it in the first place. Doesn't this seem silly? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can't I make dinner WHENEVER I want, and feed it to whoever I want, only because I wanted to? Why can't I eat what I feel I might enjoy, because someone made it? Why can't I enjoy being slightly separated from family, and really enjoy the times I do see them, because it has been a while and I missed them? Why can't I leave the hallowe'en sticker in my car window because I thought the goofy bat was cute and liked it there?

I admit I am guilty of some of it as well...and am at a loss to explain it.

Today, I enjoyed my meal, prepared with love by a family member, who I can only hope wanted me there. It was NOT low-fat and I loved every fork full. I ate till I was full (like a grown up - go me) and then stopped, and thanked them for their efforts. I called my Mom and sister and chatted for a bit, sent some friends a note wishing them a happy holiday and then went to home and went to sleep pleasantly contented. Today was a good holiday for me and I hope you took the time to enjoy it, guilt free.